To all the friends that I do not often see.... I still think about you, I still smile at our fond memories together, and even though life has taken us years apart, you will always be a friend to me. To my childhood friend,
Somewhere between our teenage adventures, university lessons and adulthood, we lost touch. Be it that we drifted apart, our geography kept us apart, or that there simply were not enough hours in the day - It happened, but I want you to know that I treasure you still. Time is a luxury that responsibilities have stolen, but our memories will forever be kept safe in my heart. There are days that I reminisce on our school days or summer nights and my heart feels so full simply thinking of the fun that we had. Do you remember the moments that rocked our world? The broken relationships that we coached each other through? The nights that turned into mornings and the conversations that kept us occupied for hours on end? Do you remember the harmless trouble and the unstoppable laughter? We were on top of the world, facing all obstacles head first, as together we experienced all sorts of firsts… Yet soon enough, our weekend plans slowly turned into, “we should hang out soons” and eventually, while we weren’t even looking, silence built a bridge between our hectic lives with only brief ‘happy birthdays’ & ‘congratulations’ wandering over. I know that the reality may sound glum, but my friend, it doesn’t have to be! I believe that it's all just a part of life's journey. I can’t help but think of how lucky we were to have found this friendship of ours. A friendship that has lead us to a whirlwind of treasured memories. Memories and moments that have lead us to this very day and this very second....and while we may no longer be a consistent figure in each others lives, I hope that you know that I care about you now just as I did then. To you my dear friend, I truly want to say thank you. Thank you for laying the foundation of my today's. I hope that you know that it mattered, and you matter. While social media may now keep me more updated on your life than you can, know that I understand (& I hope that you understand too). Adulting ain’t easy. I see you striving to create the life that you deserve. I see you building beautiful relationships and spending quality time with like-minded individuals. I see you, like me, navigating through this hectic world. I see you, and I want you to know that I am truly happy for you. What an honor it has been to be a part of your journey. From the bottom of my heart, I hope that you know that the silence between us can only build bridges, but never truly break bonds. Then, now and always – you matter to me my friend. & If there ever was a day that you needed me... please, don't hesitate...Just say the word, and I would cross that bridge in a heartbeat. True friendships should never be bound by distance or time.
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To my broken-hearted friend, You're not going to understand it today, nor will you understand it tomorrow, or even the next day ... Time will disappear as broken conversations and blurred moments haunt your memories. You will spend far too much time trying to make sense of it all, only to discover that there was nothing to make sense of. It was what it was, and it is what it is. One day you're going to see him, and you will realize that the "love of your life" was not actually the love FOR your life. You will see him, and while your eyes may still admire his crooked smile, your heart will whisper, "it is time"...& Just like that, without any grand finale, it will all be okay. Without warning, through all of the "whys" and "what ifs", it will become clear that he was but a lesson disguised by love. He taught you the humility of rejection. He taught you the importance of standing your ground. He forced you to find your self worth, And pushed you to be bold. Without even trying, his absence taught you one million things about yourself, and while he may never know what he truly missed out on... You finally would. Suddenly, you will no longer need him to want you. You will truly believe that you are whole all on your own. Suddenly, you will accept that sometimes even the deepest of loves isn't always yours to keep. Sometimes, the love of your life is merely a lesson to be learned. Yet don't let cliche words discourage you dear child. You are not forsaking the fairytale. It is okay to let go... It is okay to say goodbye to the love. I promise you, My word do I promise you... The love for your life patiently awaits your arrival at the final page of this chapter. Turn the page beautiful girl. Take a deep breath, turn the page, and dive head first into the love that truly matters. I promise you, you will never regret it. You're worth the whole world and more.
In my twenties I was a lot of things, but simultaneously nothing at all.
I was an actress, an event planner, a videographer, an editor, a writer, a designer, a business owner ... and yet, I was a professional nothing-in-particular (or so it felt at the time). I felt awkward to truly own anything that I did, especially because of my artsy line of work. I may have studied it, I may be great at it... But does it work like that? Can you just SAY, "I'm now a grown up, and thus I am a/an [insert profession here]" ??? [*SPOILER ALERT: Turns out that with the right credentials/experience: YOU CAN - AND YOU BETTER*] It's like...One day you're sitting in a university dorm room day-dreaming of what you will be someday, and then suddenly, almost without warning (Wearing a Hogwarts-like cloak, while throwing a silly, square hat up in the air is so not a real warning), that someday is here, and you better BE something quickly! So you're thinking to yourself, "Crap! What should I BE, and will they believe me?? And if they believe me - THEN WHAT?!" So you gear up the courage to BE THAT THING... and then they hit you with: "What's that?" "You studied journalism?" "Gosh sorry! We have no positions open until someone quits." "Oh you're in finance? Perfect!" "We can't wait to make you miserable working long hours for little pay." "You have your degree in engineering?" "That's amazing. Can you do our marketing and maybe walk my dog twice a week?" HUH?! You spend all this time thinking that you're about to be X and suddenly life is like, "nopeeee" maybe you should dabble in some Y. WHY? It took me a few years of career hopping and hustle to understand it for myself. Thrown off track, I began to feel confused. For some reason, as humans we always need to label everything - WHAT AM I? Which one of my jobs am I? Can I be all? What if i'm none? Am I on the right career path? What would I do instead though? ... But just like that, in a moment no more special than the one before, what I thought was my weakness suddenly became my strength. It dawned on me that my label was simply ME: Carly Coutts. I was not wasting time in an unplanned career, I was learning beyond my expectations. I was not indecisive in my career choices, I was determined and willing to find it all. The fact that I didn't classify myself as anything did not set me behind, it was actually in some way genius. I never labeled myself, or put myself in a predetermined box. I didn't just "do a bunch of stuff" as I once told myself. I was a girl capable of successfully bouncing between professions with sufficient knowledge and skill. With a switch of perspective, lost turned into lucrative and I knew that if I used all of that "stuff" to my advantage, there was nothing that could stop me. You see, we do this a lot. We're hard on ourselves for not having it all together, but sometimes, all that it takes is a fleeting moment to realize that maybe, buried amidst the chaos, we're onto something!! Wherever you are in your life right now, whether you've found your dream job or you're still looking for it - Each day is a new learning experience and an opportunity to decide: "What did I learn today? What do I like about this? What don't I like about this? Where do I want to grow from here?" Being in your twenty's is like physically walking through a mental brainstorm (you know the chicken scratch scribbles you jot down?) , except this is your life. You're living the excitement of endless possibilities, yet clouded by the urgency to find the right one. We panic, We feel behind, We look around and compare ourselves... Stop it. Stop it right now. My friend, the answer lies at the heart of the storm. Maybe you just realized that you hate your dream job. Maybe you lost an amazing job, can't find a job, ready to leave your job MAYBE you're actually utterly and completely happy in your job. The point is: My journey is not yours, and your journey is not mine, and our journey is not theirs. You're allowed to leave, you're allowed to stay, you're allowed to dabble... THIS IS THE FUN PART. In these coming years you have the ability to truly define yourself, and it will not be by your profession; It will be by the person you are within these situations. Do you want to fight through that terrible job to reap the long term reward ? DO IT! You motivated fighter, you! Do you want to leave to pursue something that sets your soul on fire? DO IT! You brave human, you! Isn't it beautiful, the utter chaos that we find ourselves in as we lay the foundation of our lives? There is no right or wrong here...There is no timeline...There is simply YOU, and how you decide to navigate through it all. These are the stories that we will one day share with the generations to come. The late nights, the crazy boss, the people that inspired your success, the uncalled for nerves, the loss, the excitement ... YOU ARE IN THIS VERY MOMENT, WRITING THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE. MAKE IT A GOOD ONE. . . . In my twenties I was a lot of things, but simultaneously nothing at all, and I wouldn't have it any other way. 'Nothing' was the blank drawing board I needed to inscribe the most perfect tale of a life well lived.
So I maybe, sorta, kinda – completely dropped off the face of the blogging earth!
You know things are bad when you don’t even remember the password to get back into said blog. *yikes* To give you a little insight, it started with me “getting too busy” at my (at the time) new job. #adultingwoes (how ironic)… It ventured into, “everyone is suddenly a blogger; this whole social media thing feels inauthentic. I can’t do this”… THEN I fell into a tunnel of, “My personal life is on a roller coaster ain't nobody got time for that. Plus I don’t even know what to write anymore,” and after promising some amazingly, encouraging people that “I’m starting back this month,” but finding myself not even able to open the link to my blog month after month … Well, I guess that you can say, I just kind of gave up. So since this has been the worlds longest break, please let me reintroduce myself… Hello. My name is Carly Coutts, and I am human. A beautifully flawed, imperfectly perfect, falls-off-the-wagon-but-always-hops-back-on kind of human.
For those of you now joining me, I began this blog back in 2016 (Wow! Time is flying) as a way to share the trials and triumphs of adulthood with you, but somewhere along the way, “adulthood” got the best of me.
SCORE BOARD: Adulthood: 1 , Carly: 0 Mmmm not fair... Let's say, Adulthood: 5 Carly: 3 (I've had my moments) So in the far-too-much-time-that-has-passed-since-I-last-wrote, I did manage to figure out a thing or two about my absence and excuses that I thought important to share with you. Shall we begin?... EXCUSE #1: I'M “TOO BUSY" Let's start with, “too busy” is NOT an excuse; Not in your relationship, not for your health, not for your life. You can and will always prioritize what’s important to you (and I don't know how it took me this long to realize, but writing is important to me!). In 2019 everyone seems to think that unless they are ‘sooooo busy omg’ they aren’t being productive or successful. I’m telling you right now that time management is REAL and you can be productive without being BUSY 24/7. I had my first real, crippling, panic attack this year from being ‘sooo busy,’ and not taking care of myself properly. I looked around at all that I was sooo busy with and realized that my blog (something that was a true joy to me) was no where to be found. Lesson? While there are so many here, I'd really like to say: It’s okay to look at your work load and say "tomorrow is another day" fam! Sometimes you just need to switch off and take an hour to do what brings you joy (like spending time with family, writing...or drinking a margarita, who's judging?!) and THAT’S OKAY! In university "tomorrow fu dat" was my motto - but somewhere deep into 'adulting' I thought that adults weren't allowed a 'tomorrow' - THIS IS FALSE. A time management driven 'tomorrow' isn't taboo; it may just be in your best interest!
EXCUSE #2: “EVERYONE IS SUDDENLY A BLOGGER; THIS WHOLE SOCIAL MEDIA THING FEELS INAUTHENTIC AND I CAN'T DO THIS." Well firstly - SO WHAT if everyone wants to blog, and secondly, social media is only inauthentic if you let it be! If you've ever had even half of a guardian growing up, then you've heard the saying: ‘If everyone is going to jump off the bridge, are you going to jump too?!’ While the answer is usually a deep sigh and a meek, 'well, no.' This epiphany had me feeling differently... WHAT IF I WANTED TO JUMP OFF THAT BRIDGE THOUGH?? Like, what if I had a bungee cord and a plan the whole time and instead, I’m now standing on the edge watching all the fun happen?! Why should I now stop because everyone else wants to join in on the fun?? In the age that we live in it's quite difficult to NOT do something that everyone isn't already doing (especially on the small island that I live on). Whether you're a make up artist, a designer, a doctor or otherwise- EVERYONE'S DOING IT! Lesson? Don't quit what you love because others love it too... If it's competition that you're worried about, JUST DO IT BETTER. & That thing about being inauthentic? SIMPLY DON'T BE. It's as easy as that. Fake may often = Views, but Real = Respect REMEMBER THAT.
EXCUSE #3: “I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO WRITE ANYMORE"
Writers block exists, & that's okay; just don't let the pressure of society make you overthink what comes naturally to you. I never started this blog for views, but humbled by views came the pressure to provide. I've noticed that often, everything we do is 'almost finished' as we wait for the 'right time' to share with our audience. Lesson? In whatever field you're in: DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT. Showing up is truly half the battle. SO WITH THAT SAID: HELLO! I AM HERE I AM BACK (Eeep! Commitment is scary) & I AM READY TO SHARE WITH YOU THE CONFUSING, NERVE-WRECKING, EXCITING JOURNEY OF WHAT BEING TWENTY-SOMETHING FEELS LIKE. FELLOW 20-SOMETHING'S, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I gatchew.
Shout-out to the incredible woman in Superpharm who spotted me, and was brave enough to share with me the way my writing changed her life…You've never left my mind. This ones for you.
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AuthorJust a girl in her 20's trying to conquer the world. Archives
August 2019
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