Before you read any further... Can we take a moment to commend my enthusiastic post before this. Haha - R.I.P . ok, ok - RESUME: So Carnival is 9 days away, and I may have lost two pounds depending on the time of day that I step on the scale.
Clearly socially peer pressuring myself was unsuccessful. The thing is, I realized halfway though the process that... I don’t care. With the utmost respect and kindness…(For the most part) I don’t care what you think. Yeah, there's always room for improvement...but I like me (with all my curves&all my edges). I exercise about 4/5 days of the week, I don’t eat terribly, I’m not slim, but nor am I fat. Halfway through trying to pressure myself into being “thin”, I realized that it’s completely ridiculous that I should feel inferior when I look in the mirror at my 1” of extra tummy, paired with my shapely thighs. I’ve been through this before, Why am I standing in the same position at a different venue? REWIND: To a Carnival fete a couple of weeks ago when a beautiful, slender girl spotted me midway through a mouthful of fries. “CARLY! WHAT do you think you’re doing?” she sternly asked me. I looked around unsure of what I was doing, but quickly caught on. Mid-chew I mumbled, “ammm...eating fries.” “But Carnival is right around the corner.” She insisted, “I still have 5 pounds to loose.” I looked at her mildly confused, as her slim frame, in my eyes, needed no change. Over twenty pounds lighter than me, I toyed with the idea that her frame was assisted by the grace of good genetics. I can’t imagine that she’s ever experienced the wrath of a mediocre metabolism. I also don’t believe that my body could ever achieve such a shape even if I tried. For a moment I felt guilty, but it wasn’t long before it hit me again - I don’t actually care. Yes, Carnival has evolved into a magical, colorful expression of culture where the population is dressed in bedazzled bikinis. Yes, of course we all want to put our best foot forward, rocking a body that can do justice to the phenomenal costumes. Yes! Of course we want to look fabulous for photographs! But when it’s all said and done, There are more important things in this world than being known as slim. & There are more important things in this world than taking attractive pictures for Facebook. What about being kind? What about being understanding? What about being thoughtful? What about being real? Don’t get me wrong, being healthy is important. Taking care of your body is important, and I do not in any way promote “letting yourself go.” But I can’t help but wonder... Why should I not enjoy a bowl of ice cream on a Sunday evening because a stranger is going to judge my extra inch of fat come bikini season? I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to be healthy to impress other people. Hence this social experiment failed. I want to be healthy for the sake of discipline, and this is where my blurred vision caused me to fall short. Discipline, in my eyes, is vital. I think that it’s so important that you can keep your word- That you can say you’re going to do something, and you actually do it. A lack of discipline in your life can have a trickling effect through your health, economic standing, relationships, and life in general. My point? Personally, I was going about being healthy for all of the wrong reasons and it stunted my motivation. I tried to be aesthetically pleasing, rather than disciplined (or even healthy for the benefit of my internal system). Being aesthetically pleasing does not drive me to be better. It’s superficial. I'm not one for superficiality. Being disciplined, being a better all-rounded person, That’s what has the potential to drive me. I stand before you today, unsuccessful in my journey thus far, But as the saying goes: "you don’t fail until you quit" and I don’t quit. I will walk into Carnival Monday, my usual saucy self (I may be one of the first saucy section leaders you find: someone note that for the history books) but the journey is never wasted so long as you learn. This process has taught me a little more about myself, and what truly matters to me. Being comfortable in my own skin is what is most important to me... Not being slim to impress the masses, but content with MYSELF. The quality of having discipline is what’s important to me... – Not to be slim for the sake of being aesthetically pleasing to others. Carnival is suppose to be a celebration of liberation, But somewhere along the line it turned into a fitness/fashion competition (that’s another blog post on it’s own). - - - Hey, I’m sure that when Facebook is flooded with your ‘fabulous-costume-ready-bodies’ on Wednesday morning I will applaud you with a tinge of envy at your hard work (No really. It’s a serious effort and I admire you!), but until then... … MY JOURNEY CONTINUES – When I start this the right way, I’ll keep you posted on how that goes until that day: To all my ladies not totally “carnival ready” - have no shame. Find me on the road Carnival Monday and we will take a drink to that! REMEMBER: There are more important things in this world than being slim. ... like the memories, and friends, and family, and love! Spend more time ENJOYING the greatest show on earth, and less time worrying about your barely existent belly. Promise me that you will remember that when you start to doubt yourself this Carnival season. See ya when I see ya :) xXx -Me
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"You know that blogger Carly Coutts?"
"Carly who?" "You know... the crazy one who said she has voices in her head when she runs, and can't last a day without eating delicious food?" "Ohhhh rightttt! The one who tried to show people that being healthy was possible, but actually kept writing about Hawaiian pizza with a side of cheesy breadsticks every five seconds?" "Yeahh...Yeahhh...." WRONG. I will not be remembered as such! I told you I was going to do something - AND SO I DID. It took a second, but I did. Today, I would like to announce that I am the proud parent of a healthy food baby! Two eggs for breakfast. An apple for a mid morning snack. Broccoli, rice and chicken for lunch. A yogurt for an afternoon treat. Broccoli, rice and chicken for dinner. Round of applause please... thank you, thank you very much! I must say that the key to accomplishing this was meal prepping. It took away the need for me to frantically rummage through the kitchen and eat the first thing that I could find. Now I'm not saying that I didn't still WANT to rummage through the kitchen (sugar is seriously a drug), but it certainly helped. TO ANYONE TRYING TO HOP ON THE HEALTH JOURNEY - I WOULD SUGGEST MEAL PREPPING AS STEP ONE! Step 2... To be determined. Hey! I never promised to be a health guru with all of the answers. I'm a real person, just like you, trying to be better... Stick with me, and together we can find REALISTIC solutions to what I've dubbed the 'sauce struggle'. Until then... turn the volume up on your computer, CLICK HERE, and have a great night ;) baby steps. baby steps. 13.01.17
8:47am : I've completed my morning run, drank my coffee and eaten my oats - ready for the day ahead! If you're wondering, this burst of motivation is the result of the missed post you may or may not have noticed. Socially pressuring myself might actually be working. It was starting to get shameful, the lack of self-control I've been facing. I sat down yesterday to write about the day before - but I couldn't remember a thing that I ate except for the last scoop of ice cream (according to my granny, two scoops) out of the tub. I remembered my granny looking up at me, and I couldn't quite tell if her eyes were judgmental, or full of pure amusement. "I just love you" she chuckled. "Whaaaat???" I shrugged defensively, "they picked Miss World already." I repeated her catch phrase back to her as I continued to indulge. They may have picked Miss World already, but Harts Carnival 2k17 is around the corner, so my argument was certainly invalid. With that being my only solid memory for the day, I brushed it off and said, "Okay, well let's start fresh and I'll write about today instead." Well today (aka yesterday) ended with fries, mozzarella sticks, fried calamari and two bottles of wine between three girls. Yikes, I know. In a recent conversation I had with my aunt on the subject of delicious food and lack of self-control, she commented, "Life is just too short." (An excuse, I'm sure that we are all guilty of using as we shovel food into our mouths). Pausing for a moment she then added, "But I would also like to continue living." I never actually stopped to think about it this way; she was so right. Life may be short, but unless we take care of our bodies, we could make it even shorter. I love it when the great people around me unintentionally open my eyes and inspire me to be better. Honestly, throughout the last two days, my saving grace has been the "FitBit Step Challenge" that I was doing with a friend. My competitive side refused to let her win, so after returning home from drinks at 10pm last night, I noted that she was 4,000+ steps ahead of me. Without hesitation, I ran upstairs, changed into my gym clothes and proceded to run up and down my street until I was in the lead. "Be a human for once!! Who does that?" she texted me. It was in that moment that I remembered how much better it felt to feel fit rather than full. When this friend of mine and I lived in the same country, we would often go for jogs and I would always t̶r̶i̶c̶k̶ encourage her to run further than she thought she could, but recently, I seemed to be sedentary unless trying to beat her step count. Without even knowing it, she reminded me of a side of me that I might have momentarily forgotten. The self motivated side of me that could wake up at 5am to go to the gym without needing to be motivated by anyone else. I missed that person. Between my aunt, this challenge, and an article that was sent to me by another dear friend, I feel confident that I CAN in fact make a positive change from here on out. The article sent to me was in response to these recent blog posts, and it raised a point that I truly think that you may value! "Every time you want to tell yourself that you 'CAN'T' do something, change it to 'WON'T' and see how that affects your decisions." Rather than- "I can't be healthy... I can't exercise today... I can't say no to Hawaiian, stuffed crust pizza with a side of cheesy breadsticks." Try - "I won't be healthy... I won't exercise today... I won't say no to Hawaiian, stuffed crust pizza with a side of cheesy breadsticks." Changes things up, huh? I certainly thought so! It may only be 9:30am right now, but I'm pretty confident that you will be hearing good news from me in the next post :) . If not... I may actually be a lost cause, or need an intervention - SO BE ON STAND BY FRIENDS !! Tune in next time to find out how it progressed ;) (10/01/17) Today was better. Due to a minor miscommunication, I missed my morning run (promise it gets better), but I also didn’t eat enough fries to feed a small army… so I call that progress. I woke up, drank my coffee, and somehow became so engrossed in the work I was doing that before I knew it, it was lunchtime! I've read conflicting articles on the effects of not eating breakfast (weight gain etc.), but I'm not sure how I feel about these findings. If you have knowledge on the subject, please don't hesitate to share! Lunchtime at my household is always a family event; my grandmother, uncles, sometimes aunts, brother and cousins all come over. It might just be my favorite time of the day- and today, by some unexpected stroke of luck, the kitchen table was particularly healthy (peas, broccoli, pork-chops, rice). The usual lunchtime banter lead to the request of me going to buy lotto tickets in the nearby grocery store - which I did - but unfortunately, the lotto's purchase point was situated right next to the Kit-Kat bars! (okay, fine...they were miles apart and I actually went out of my way to find them. Sue me.) But besides that minor crumble into my sugar addiction, the day progressed well. I went for an afternoon walk/run with my aunt, and when I returned home, I made a burger patty and a salad for dinner (no fries this time). When my usual evening sweet craving hit, I rolled my eyes reminiscing on the time that my 'wonderfully, annoyingly, motivating, healthy friend' raved about drinking vanilla almond milk for dessert. "Vanilla almond milk is not desert!” I scoffed to myself. Then slowly but surely, as the sugar craving worsened, I made my way into the kitchen, poured myself a glass of vanilla almond milk and enjoyed every sweet delicious taste. "Gosh i'm soooooo healthy right now" I praised myself, choosing to ignore the Kit-Kat that I ate earlier and the fact that I was completely judging my friend who gave me this idea two minutes before. As I sat sipping my milk, I got chatting with a friend who was also in need of some healthy motivation. We decided to begin a 'fitbit' challenge tomorrow, compeating for who can make the most steps. Let the games begin! As the time ticked on, SUITS took over my world, distracting me from anything possibly productive. My boyfriend tried to encourage me to meal prep, but he clearly didn't understand the intensity of the situation at hand. Mike Ross was NOT OKAY and if my eyes strayed from the television set it would obviously take him longer to get out of trouble. I couldn't move. Thankfully, my eyes soon fell shut and with it, so did my mouth. Night time is usually when the fridge starts begging me to come hang out, so I'm glad that on this night I missed his call. With only one true moment of weakness, I would certainly say that today was better than yesterday! One step at a time, right? We all have that one friend with a great body, envious self-motivation and self control. You know the one...they’re terribly frustrating to have around when you can’t keep a lid on your eating habits, but deep down you know that you’re also really lucky to be surrounded by such GOALS.
Well, my first day of ‘socially pressuring myself into a healthier lifestyle' started off hot and sweaty (literally). Like clockwork, that annoyingly motivating friend of mine (ILOVEYOU) arrived at my house at 6:10am with an excited smile and a high pitched “morning!” ready for a run! On early mornings my response is usually a groan. On a good day, I could run 6+ miles with her, but after the unhealthy few weeks that lead me to this blogging idea – I was struggling to make 3! Firstly, I ran out of data on my phone as the run began, so there was no DJ PRIVATE RYAN blasting in my ears to drown out the complaining voices in my head. Let's be clear though. I'm not crazy. It's one singular voice - mine. But I speak to myself. Wait... that still makes me a little crazy doesn't it? Whatever... They went something like this: ME: “Humans aren’t even supposed to run on concrete. Technically i'm going against the laws of nature. I shouldn’t be running on this strenuous surface, right? I’m just going to damage me knee further. My shoes aren't even really cut out for running. I'm going to ruin my knee in my youth if I continue. Fifty year old me is going to be really upset about this." ME TO ME: "Carly just shut up and run." ME REPLYING TO ME: "But I have a valid point!" ME STILL COMPLAINING: "Ughhh - why won’t my legs work though?" ME TO ME STILL COMPLAINING: "Probably because you’re damaging them running on the concrete; maybe you should stop." ME WHO'S TRYING TO BE GOOD: Stop thinking, stop thinking, stop thinking… .. and so it continued until... “Okay one lap down, another lap around the Savannah to go!” my friend spoke encouragingly. But it was too late... between t̶h̶e̶ ̶v̶o̶i̶c̶e̶s̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶d̶my internal dialogue, and the logs for legs that I was facing - it was over. “NAH! I’M OUT. You go ahead, I’ll walk home”…. Annnnnd this I did (I don’t live too far). Not too shabby though? 6K steps before 7am; GOOD START! My day then continued with eggs for breakfast, a cup of tea...a̶ ̶s̶a̶l̶a̶d̶curry for lunch. (I ran this morning; a little curry isn’t that big of a deal okay?!….curried shrimp, rice, potato and pumpkin?) “Pumpkin is good for you,” I tried to justify … THEEEN it really started.. “Okay I’ll have a yogurt to satisfy my sweet craving.” “Granny what’s that? Oh chocolate? Can I have a tinyyyy taste?” “Oh that’s a different kind of chocolate? Come on, just a nibble” “Gosh I’m starving what’s there to eat? - Fridge is empty - HAM BREAD?? What’s that? Let me try a piece…” “Crap. Bad Carly! Okay make up for it with a healthy dinner!” >>>>>>>>>> Night fell and I returned home, opening my front door to the sound of laughter. I followed the sound to the kitchen, where my brother, cousin and his girlfriend were making delicious burgers, drowned in cheese. Did I mention how I feel about cheese?? ME TO ME: "No no… I have this under control!" Fate was on my side. With one burger short, my cousion got a steak out of the freezer for me. I found lettuce and tomatos in the fridge (I swear it wasn't there when I had to eat the 'ham bread') and chopped up just a little bit of cheese into it because, well, you can’t just stop cold turkey can you? As my steak was being prepared on the stove, my granny ran outside in a hurry. “Are the burgers ready? I have exactly 10 minutes until my show comes on! Quick! Feed me!” she announced as she dropped into the seat in front of me, pulling a plate towards her. Then… like the shining gates of heaven, the oven light hit my eyes as my cousin pulled out sizzling fries that he dished onto her plate. (Wow..typing this i'm hearing how crazy I sound.) Before I knew it, my hand was in her plate and the fries were in my mouth. Just one… or two… I tried to look away, but it wasn't long before my cousin handed me my steak with my own mountain of fries on the plate. ME: "Give the wedges back." ME TO ME: "Don't be rude. That's so inconvinent. Just eat them....plus they're delicious" *sigh* I in fact did not have it under control.... Steak salad and wedges for dinner it was....and in that moment, I completely forgot about you… I'm sorry, i'm sorry....the intended social pressure was buried under the fries. So to sum it up, day one was a fail. I'm sorry :( ... But today's another day ... so let's try this again. |