I saw this silly little picture today that read, 'some days I amaze myself. Other days I put the laundry in the oven'. It put a smile on my face, and I think that my heart and mind actually high-fived one another as it was just THAT relatable. Last week I sat down to write a proposal for a new business venture that I would like to execute. I pounded my keyboard with excitement, my mind racing my fingers, eager to share all of my creative ideas! A couple hours and self-diagnosed carpal tunnel later, my proposal looked BEAUTIFUL (if I do say so myself). "So many ideas! I'm so excited," I sunk down into my chair reflecting. THEN... LIKE A BIG BOULDER OF ADULTHOOD ... IT HIT ME.... AGAIN. Ha. Oh right! Life costs money. It's not that I didn't consider it before; but you can't fault a girl for getting carried away? ...and so like any mature adult: I thought about it for a moment, noted the excess amount of work that needed to be done, casually closed my laptop and poured myself a glass of wine. That's what adults do, right? Just Kidding. Except that really happened. You can take the girl out of university, but it might take a while to shake university off the girl ... Hey, it was Friday afternoon, can you blame me? _______________________ So as he does, Sunday showed up at my doorstep uninvited, but with a Netflix account and a home cooked meal, so (naturally) I couldn't deny his visit. When it was time for him to leave under the cloak of darkness, I had a moment of solitude to think. Solitude: An abyss, where contemplation can be either magical or maddening. These few moments alone left me in an overwhelmed state of frustration. What am I doing? My degree is in film, and after 4 diligent years of study ... I'm intrigued by a business idea. Am I making the right decisions? What if I fail? You know, the natural thought process of every 'over- thinker'. My boyfriend picked me up that evening, and as I slumped into his car seat, he heard my silence - "talk to me." After explaining my frustrations, he looked into my eyes, took a deep breath and spoke calmly: "Just...Keep it simple." For a moment, I thought that this man was a genius. His words were so ... simple ... so obvious... and yet so impactfu- WAIT A MINUTE. I rolled my eyes and laughed, looking down to realize that he was reading the words that had been written across my T-shirt all day. It's funny how that happens. The advise that I needed to hear was with me all along. So Monday arrives, and I'm excited! With a confident smile, I pull out my laptop ready to go. Projected cost analysis, let's do this! ... Two hours passed and I was still staring at strange numbers, googling inadequate information with nothing to show for it, while my best friend was texting me advice with acronyms that I've never heard of. I felt lost, and to be honest, somewhat unintelligent. "Just keep it simple, keep it simple," I kept reminding myself. I was trying to do too much at once. I was searching for too many different things at once, trying to understand too many different concepts at once. Luckily for me (maybe not for him), my cousin walked into my b̶e̶d̶r̶o̶o̶m̶ office. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOINGGGGGGG," I screeched. "Carly, if anyone says that they don't know something in this day and age, they're being ignorant. You can learn anything on the internet." I nodded to his words, but my frustrated eyes might have told a different story. He encouragingly sat next to me and proceeded to introduce me to a free, online school called the Kahn Academy. It's a great tool to have, but I was still frustrated, "this is going to take so long." "Study for a week to understand what you want to do with your life?" he replied. I chuckled, shrugging my shoulders. He was right. We're always so eager to succeed, but not as eager to put in the work. In order to succeed we must take the time to learn and understand what exactly it is that we're doing. One step at a time. Not many of us can graduate and walk right into ready-made success. So I began my journey in learning about economics and entrepreneurship, with the intention to better calculate and construct my projections/future plans. I decided to take my own advice and not let doubt get the best of me. Giving up is easy... saying that I don't know what i'm doing and leaving it at that is easy... But I told you that i'll always try to do the things that I think that I can't - so here I am. Trying to 'keep it simple' and take one step at a time. Confused. Uncertain. Frustrated. Worried. BUT DETERMINED. After all, 'every professional was once a beginner,' and there is no shame in being a beginner. STEP ONE: Keep It Simple. PS. Thank you to my amazing support system for always encouraging my wildest ventures.
2 Comments
At what point in life do we learn to feel embarrassed? What is it that makes us self conscious about our looks or our actions that we become so concerned with the opinions of others? For many years, my mother has reminded me to 'enjoy my youth'. She's spoken these words in many different ways, but the one that stood out to me most was when my grandfather was ailing. In a conversation she relayed to me, he asked her, 'what was it all about?'. The 'it' he was referring to was life - Many of us live each day, caught up in our daily tasks and relationships... We hold on to grudges, we get frustrated with circumstances, we take it all very seriously.... and very rarely do we stop to think 'what is it all about?'. With this piece of knowledge... the knowledge that we have the choice to define what our life is about... that none of it really matters... i've been able to open my life up to an abundance of (to me) absurd opportunities, that under my natural thought process I am probably not suitable or capable of doing. I think that many of us allow the whispers of insecurity to deter us from great things, but i've come to realize that: Doing things that I don't think that i'm capable of has been a terrifyingly, magical and freeing experience. Keeping my mothers advise close to heart, I decided to not take myself too seriously, and in 2009 I joined an acting class. Through this class, her lesson was further engrained in my reality. Each week I would enter the creative world of acting, where a group of (then) strangers got together , to embody characters much different to themselves. It was here that I realized that being embarrassed didn't make me 'cool' for not wanting to make a fool of myself. It made me... well... just not that good. I remember observing three particularly talented women in my class (Keri, Tenielle and Teri) who would give each performance their all. If they had to be a crazy person - they WERE the crazy person, no questions asked. I remember in those moments understanding that being self conscious inhibited my ability to embrace the task in front of me. I was at my best when I gave it my all, and wasn't concerned with the opinions of those around me. This small, but important lesson has made waves in my life. My next big 'aha moment' came to me when I was asked to partake in a 'bikini fashion show' at my university. Me? Bikini Fashion show? Ha. WHAT A JOKE. No lie, I went home that night and wondered if they were messing with me. I couldn't comprehend how someone could look at me in all of my 'thick-sauce' glory and ask me to stand next to perfectly slim, toned girls in a public setting like that. After a great deal of anxiety, convincing from my roommate (who was also in the show) and the encouraging promotion of self love from my mother & boyfriend - I DID IT. I told myself that I couldn't continue to speak about 'loving yourself the way you are' if I wasn't putting action behind my words. I did it for every girl who ever felt like they weren't good enough because they aren't industry standard small.... and you know what? I had a BLAST! That opportunity, matched with the unexplainable confidence that my girl Riki had in me, then lead me to model bikinis for Surf Outfitter. ME? A bikini model? My 16 year old self would never believe you if you told her this (I like food WAY too much). But it happened... Look at the picture to your right. There's 18 year old me, hiding my stomach, because God forbid someone see my little belly. Then there's 23 year old me...there is no change in size, but there is a change in confidence. Challenging myself to get over the opinions of others and to just LIVE, has opened doors both in my physical and mental life. If you think about it, it's sort of narcissistic the way that we don't grab at opportunities because we're concerned with what others might think of us... and even if so - why does it matter? When it's all said and done and you look back on your life, is it really going to matter what Regina Falange thought? Now believe me, I have my fair share of frustrations, and friendship obstacles and social anxieties... I'm by no means perfect. But what I do know is that I try. I try everyday to 'enjoy my youth'. I try to: - put my insecurities to rest - to do things that I don't think I can do - to do things that I don't think 'i'm good enough for' - to know that what others think about me is none of my concern so long as I live with good intentions So with this post I'd like to share the importance of ACTING AGAINST YOUR INSECURITY & truly ENJOYING YOUR YOUTH. Tell those doubtful whispers in your mind . . . BYE FELCIA, because you've got the world to concur. It has truly opened my life to endless possibilities, and I know it would do the same for you. This week I hope that you laugh a littler louder, dance a little crazier, speak your mind and just BE YOU. Have the courage to write your own story, because when it's all over, what was it really all about anyway? My favorite quote: "Being realistic is the most commonly travelled road to mediocrity" - Will Smith As a child you're always told that 'you can be anything that you want to be when you grow up’. Yet somewhere along the path, be it a concerned adult or the world itself, changes it's mind. As your age climbs, the blind encouragement of many adults often morphs into a jaded realism.
Your grand childhood imagination and confidence is quietly hushed, and the message is tweaked. 'You can be anything that you want to be, so long as it is a realistic goal.' My question is, "realistic to who?" No two people live the same reality. We are faced with different trials and tribulations on a daily basis, molding us into unique individuals with different perspectives of the world. I can't quite understand why we as humans insist on casting shadows upon the dreams of others. To those entering university, to those having recently graduated and to those who've found themselves years into an unfulfilling job - i'm talking to you - As someone who has studied acting/ film/media, I've always been faced with raised eyebrows and whispers of confusion. Over the years I've been bombarded with snarky comments and statistics of why my success in the arts is at odds. I thank those people with grace for their concern, but I also believe that, “when people can't do something themselves, they're gonna tell you that you can't do it" (The Pursuit of Happiness, 2006). Throughout my years in California, if there is one thing that I have learned from the amazing people I've met, it is that ‘no’ is not an answer, but merely a jumping point to find the next ‘yes’. As I begin this new chapter in my life, i'm doing it while, as always, pushing through the dark cave of skepticism molded by the opinions of others (I must admit though, I am very lucky to have the powerful support of loved ones who brighten even the darkest of places). Moving forth, I have ideas that I will attempt to execute (can't tell you just yet) and I KNOW it won't be easy, but I encourage you to join me. Wake up tomorrow and decided to make all decisions out of love (love for yourself, love for your job, love for others), not out of fear. In 2014, actor Jim Carry made a commencement speech at the Maharishi University of Management where he commented that, so often we "choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality," and I think that his words hold a great truth. He continued on to talk about his father who, "could have been a great comedian, but he didn't believe that was possible for him, so he made a conservative choice, and instead got a safe job as an accountant. When Jim was 12 years old, his father was let go from that safe job and their family had to do whatever they could to survive." Through that experience, he learned from his father that, "you can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance on doing what you love." This story has resonated with me for many years, and holds a particularly relevant truth with the state of our current economy. I encourage who ever reads this to not be/become jaded by the world, but attempt to remember that childhood spark that believed that there were no limits. Don't allow the shadows of others to dim your light, and don't allow the responsibilities of the world to weigh on you (I don't know about you, but my scale and I have enough of a battle without the world adding on an extra couple pounds). We were not born to pay bills- that is a means of survival. We were born to find happiness- that is a necessity for survival. Now, I'm not telling you to quit your job and join a circus, but find what it is that makes you happy (even if it is simply a hobby) and take a chance. You CAN in fact be anything that you want to be, but it's up to you to be that person. The only thing holding you back from accomplishing your dreams is YOU and your excuses (i'm too old to start, i'm too busy, i'm not good enough...). We all have our doubts, but in order to maximize the greatness within us, we need to overcome them and start to take action. It's always easier said than done, but it's certainly something to consider. Think about it. "Whether you think you can, or think you can't... you're right" - Henry Ford |