She no longer feared the darkness because of monsters under her bed. No, as she grew older the fear of the night was different. The rush of thoughts that suffocated her under the night's cloak brought a different kind of worry. Insecurity was the nocturnal monster and it preyed on every atom of her being. I wrote that one lonely night a couple of years ago. I wrote it at a time where I got through my days with a smile, but each night that I sat alone, I felt inadequate. I felt as though I was "old" (I know, I know *rolls eyes*) with little to show for it. My friends would graduate university a couple years earlier than me, and I wasn't sure if I was falling behind on life's unspoken check points. Go to school - graduate - find a job - find a partner - get married .. you know how it goes. My Instagram was flooded with beautiful people traveling the world, fit physiques and cute couples in love (& at that time my commitment issues were at an all time high). Why do I feel like this? I have a blessed life. What am I doing wrong? Why am I not THERE yet? Will I ever get there? I'm writing this today not because I want you to know this. I'm actually considering backspacing this entire post as I type (because well...let's be real here; admitting to actually being human can be hard in the age of social media perfection) ... but I do think that it needs to be spoken out loud. Recently, I have far too often been faced with amazing people who feel inadequate or low in general. It's as though we all walk around with a brave face on for one another, but behind closed doors, we're all silently hurting (at some point at the very least). I want to make it clear to you right now that you're NOT ALONE. The worst part is, people say that all the time. Yet when you're lying in bed at 1am wondering who you can call, but you 'feel bad' to burden anyone with your silly self doubt - you ARE alone. Your words are tied up in a mental cage and though in theory you want to tell someone how you feel, you just can't, right? You selflessly continue your days trying to overcome whatever it is on your own because no one else needs that sort of stress in their lives.... some of us get lucky and maybe it gets better...maybe it doesn't ... But my dear friend, you need to understand right now that we always have a choice. Your circumstances do not define you - how you react to them is what defines you. It's okay to feel down, angry, anxious, homesick or otherwise. How else will you come to know happiness, forgiveness or excitement? Embrace the emotions that you feel, accept them, but then release them. It's when we allow negativity to fester that the true problems arise. We don't control our mood swings, who we fall in love with, or anything that goes on inside that crazy emotional chest of ours - but what we can control are the choices that we make with those feelings in tow. Sadness, insecurity, anger, whatever it may be - negative emotions evolve from limitless sources, but I truly believe that gratitude & communication are the first two steps in climbing the ladder that will take you out of the darkness. Whether you've been there for a mere 20 minutes in grueling traffic, a few months into your working frustrations, or buried for years in a suffocating depression, no one has felt worse from being grateful. Trust me on this. In moments of silence, rather than dwelling on your shortcomings, think about all the things in this life that you are grateful for. YOU and only you have the ability to change your tomorrow. In this world of 7 billion people, the odds are that your genuine well being means the world to someone (probably a lot of someones) - if you think otherwise, do the math. Be brave, if not for yourself, then for those that love you, and open the bottle of words unspoken aimlessly floating through your veins. Allow yourself to be loved and cared for. We all deserve to be loved and cared for. Perfection does not build deep, human, bonds; vulnerability does. Let's stop walking around with perfectly filtered lives, but open our arms to embrace the beautiful mess that we all truly are. (In my case, when Ron Burgundy yelled the words, 'I'm in a glass case of emotion'.. Yup, basically my life. I love too hard, I cry when I'm overly happy- I'm a constant basket case. Okay back to being serious...(but really).) Emotions are quite frankly one of the most extraordinary phenomenons of this life, and you are NOT alone in experiencing them. Regardless of if you've been living on cloud 9, or battling the whispers of self doubt, we're all susceptible to switch sides at any moment in time. The key is to know that you have a choice. Are you going to let negativity consume you? Or are you going to leave this device with the will to climb out of the darkness? As much as society might like you to believe it, no one is perfect. Despite how 'together' others may seem on the outside, everyone has their own quiet conflicts that they are dealing with. Why don't we share our struggles the way that we share our success? After all, we learn more from our low points than we do our high, do we not? Whether your emotional burden is due to circumstance, genetics or otherwise, YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. Don't fall victim to the idea of necessary perfection, and certainly don't fall victim to insecurity's bullying habbits. You would not want to see someone you love being bullied, so why would you allow it to be your reality? Put the emotional antagonizer in his place, and change you reality. Don't spend your life feeling low in solitude, use this energy to create something beautiful. Create happiness, create relationships, create the life that you deserve. Personal change does not come easily, but by all means, it IS possible. What if I told you that you have the potential to inspire others with your strength? Well I'm telling you now that you do. No matter what it is that you're going through, YOU have the power to be better than you were yesterday. YOU have the power to lift others higher. YOU have the power to create a beautiful life. The decision is in your hands. What are you going to do with it? Don't know where to start? Try my SIX QUICK FIX TRICKS - It's a small start, but a start none the less. Side note: I heard these words spoken in a movie once, and I thought that it was beautifully calming. Feels appropriate to share it right now:
"Take three deep breaths. This is the only moment you need to be worried about. There's no yesterday. There's no tomorrow. There's just right now. You're not late for anything, and you're going to miss anything. You're exactly where you're supposed to be... and you're exactly who you're supposed to be. You're absolutely perfect. And whatever happens today is exactly what's supposed to happen." (Hit&Run, 2012)
3 Comments
Taylor
23/11/2016 07:20:41 am
So well written carlz! this one hit the spot!
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Amy
23/11/2016 05:01:50 pm
This post could not have come at a more appropriate time ! thanks for sharing carly.. this one really hit home <3
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