I could’t understand how you could meet him and not fall in love... He was everything. He was beautiful in every way. Not only aesthetically, but everything he stood for. Whenever he was around, the real world drifted away as I became immersed in the whirlwind that he was. He was exciting, and fun, and he made ME feel beautiful. I loved him….I still love him. I loved every moment I spent with him. Every dance, Every smile, Every memory. Being with him was like being lost in a dream. & just like that - As all good things do... We parted ways, and it all came to an abrupt end. Much to my dismay, It was over. I woke up and he was gone without explanation. There was nothing that I could do or say that could bring him back to me. Not anytime soon at least. In a blink of an eye, amidst all of our shared laughter and joy, night fell and he was yet just another memory. CUE THE TABANCA. NO SERIOUSLY. CUE THE CARNIVAL TABANCA - IT IS A REAL THING. Oh wait. Paaah! Did you get worried that I was talking about a man? No, no, no. Don't be crazy. This feeling of loss is birthed from the end of the two most amazing days of the year. The greatest show on earth: TRINIDAD CARNIVAL. Despite all of the lackadaisical, corrupt, ignorance that can often overshadow my beautiful islands during the year, Carnival is a euphoric celebration of liberation that for a mere two days, trumps all negativity. For two days, the entire island shuts down to share in a celebration of unity. We wash the streets with a kaleidoscope of races, vibrant colors and confetti - With musical art, visual art and productions of unique creativity - We express ourselves through costumes and dance, & though we may sometimes lose the point somewhere between the first sip of White Oak and the last Punchy-Punch shot, there is no doubt that the immeasurable energy that radiates from the crowds is an experience like no other. ______>>>>__________ On Monday morning I found myself drunk on life by 10am. With nothing more than a sip of water, my best friend and I chipped down the streets of Port of Spain singing at the top of our lungs, “Leave me aloneeeeeee. I ain't going homeeeeee”. We were an unstoppable force of good vibes and the Carnival had only just begun. This rush of euphoria stayed with me, even until the crack of dawn on Tuesday morning when I had to wake up to begin preparation for DAY 2. Being my first year as a ‘section leader,’ I was sitting in a make-up chair by 3am (shout out to my girl Laura & to all you makeup artists who wake up to work on Carnival). By 6am I had the remarkable team at HARTS dressing me in my phenomenal and intricate costume (I swear the Victoria Secret fashion show has nothing on Trinidad Carnival). By 8am I was being bombarded by strangers asking for pictures, and photographers wanting to capture the artistry of the costume that so beautifully represented our culture… And you know what? Even with all of the ‘fabulousness’ that I was engulfed in, the most beautiful moment of my experience that day was waiting to cross the stage (& the Socadrone was equally as amazing). Looking into the distance, I balanced (those heels are a scene) on an incline ahead of the hundreds of HARTS masqueraders buzzing with elation, impatiently waiting to burst across the stage; a sea of excitement, trembling beneath beads and feathers. I gazed into the flood of people and all I could think of was, “WOW. I’m so lucky to call this place my home.” As the green light was given, the masqueraders stormed across the stage behind me, singing and dancing without a care in the world; a moment of pure ecstasy. My ear drums beat to the sound of “WE JAMMING STILL” as I closed my eyes for a brief moment and smiled to myself. The only country in the world where despite the glass threatening to actually empty, we put it in the rain and fill it back up. Don’t get me wrong - I could rant and rave for days about our inability as a nation to step up to the plate and make a change. Not a day goes by where I don’t question why our justice system is so flawed or what I can do to make a difference - but in that moment of cultural rapture, I couldn’t be happier that I live in a nation where we can put our differences aside - political, racial, religious, whatever it may be - and come together for a common love of the Carnival experience. It was so beautiful to watch the hard work and passion of singers, song writers, designers, creators, business men, foreigners, locals - all come together to create something as powerful as the heart of a (lost) tribe in a blissful world of fantasy (see what I did there? haha no? Not cool? okay moving on...). But seriously, Wherever you’re from, I urge you to experience this magic at least once in your lifetime. There is nothing quite like it - and I can assure you... that when it's all said and done.... your heart will urn for the euphoria that those two days brought to you. There's no tabanca quite like a Carnival tabanca (& if you've experienced the Carnival, but don't return - that's a whole different ball game). It's almost like a drug You physically can't withstand to go on any longer than two days (your feet, exhaustion, rum, sun...), but yet two days is never enough. It's truly a contradicting conflict of the heart, mind and body. But like any true love ... a conflict worth knowing. Until next time my darling love; Carnival 2017 for the win. LET THE CARNIVAL TABANCA COMMENCE. A big thank you to Harts Carnival for yet another AMAZING year of good vibes. Thanks for the pics Lyden! <3
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Have you ever stopped to marvel the influence of the alphabet?
To comprehend the mere twenty-six scribbles that produce an infinite supply of melodious patterns; The sound waves that compose our vocabulary. A vocabulary of words that can be strung together to formulate what we know as sentences; Sentences that can preserve the historic tales of man kind, evoke feelings within the heart and portray visuals in the mind. These mere twenty-six scribbles hold the power to erupt havoc between nations and peace between the people. Tell me, Have you ever truly taken a moment to contemplate the impact of these scribbles? These scribbles that we continuously rely on for their guidance and comfort- Man made scribbles that hold centuries of mystery, power and prestige. The finesse of language. How is it that this element of profound influence- This beautiful creation that can capture lost moments of our past, forever binding them to our present - This unstoppable force that has left such an incomparable mark on the history of our world- How is it, That when it comes to you, It's humbled. Tell me, How is it that no amount of letters, or words, or sentences, can speak the language of my heart. Not even the magic of the alphabet can describe the magic that you are to me. Not even the magic of the alphabet can describe the way that I feel about you. . . . . . . 'I love you' will just never be enough. “ I KNEW IT! I’M NOT CRAZY!!!”
Ladies, tell me you’ve never thought those words before, and I will tell you that you’re lying; AND IF BY SOME MYSTICAL CHANCE of fate, you were born from the hands of a Greek God of perfection – Well…men…I suggest that you go find that lady and NEVER LET HER GO. Meeh. On second thought, denial is the worst kind of crazy; be careful 'cuz that can't be normal. But seriously ladies – You know those moments when you can’t quite tell if you’re totally nuts, or if that ‘friend’ smiling at you everyday is ACTUALLY out to get you? Or what about when your partner continuously tells you to ‘stop being so jealous,’ but you’re convinced that his eyes are straying. (Disclaimer: my boyfriend has not done this, don’t penalize him haha) Or sometimes - FOR NO SOLID REASON AT ALL – you just have a GUT feeling about someone… Then there’s the ex boyfriend's crazy new girlfriends, or the new boyfriend's crazy ex girlfriends, OR THE BOYFRIEND HIMSELF (or g/f)... the competitive coworker, the questionable friends, the suspicious acquaintances, potential in-laws? … maybe even family. There are truly NO LIMITS when it comes to the people who can make you question your crazy. Let’s be honest with ourselves here though. We know that deep down we all have a little crazy running through our veins. Sometimes we have it under control, other times it comes out unannounced and the next thing you know, you’re nuzzling your unimpressed partner with puppy dog eyes. Hey! No judgement, it happens to the best of us. A little crazy between loved ones can always be forgiven. To me, the issue arrises when crazy comes with a smile. When another person decides to swoop into my mental space and make me question myself. - no, no, no. “Am I just being dramatic?” “Do you think he realizes what he’s doing?” “Maybe she’s oblivious.” “Maybe it was an accident.” “Maybe I’m overreacting.” “I must be overthinking this situation.” The questions haunt you as your quick mind, stubborn gut, and ruthless reality pummel one another to the ground. It feels as though you've stepped into an episode of 'Mental Maury.' The problem is that the opposing crazy is cloaked, and it's the pretense of normal that makes you feel crazy. The abuse always continues until the security of truth finally comes to settle the scuffle. “You are... .................... ........................ ............................ NOT the f̶a̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ crazy!” The crowd goes WILD as the truth is revealed. The explosion of excitement is unmatched. “UGHHH. I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!” The relief is so severe that we actually (at least for a moment) dismiss the fact that we’ve been wronged, naïve or mislead. Which … in hindsight … probably makes us a little crazier than we give ourselves credit for. C'est la vive My point is though: I don't know about you, but my instincts, for the most part, do not lead me astray. If someone is making you feel as though you're crazy, you need to step back and reevaluate the situation. 9/10 times, we women can handle the crazy all on our own, we don't need a third party to add to it. Jealousy doesn't come out of thin air. If you're feeling 'jealous' in a relationship - your partner should probably be paying more attention to you. Someone acting peculiar around you? - There's probably a reason why. A colleague is continuously stepping on your toes with a smile? - She's probably smarter than you give her credit for. A friend once pointed out to me, that certain individuals can bring out the CRAZY in others. The key is to BE AWARE OF THIS, and handle it with poise. If you're in a situation that's making you feel like you're crazy : CONFRONT IT or WALK AWAY. Question yourself once: Self reflection is a reputable trait to have. Question yourself constantly: There's trouble on the horizon. Trust me, Women usually have a solid gauge of when we're being crazy. Whether we care to contain it or not is a different story - But if YOU'RE NOT SURE... You're not sure if you 'have the right' to be feeling a certain way... That's a clear sign that there is a situation to be dealt with. Get to the bottom of the issue, or have the courage to step away from it all together. Don't linger. Staying wrapped up in the episode of 'Mental Muary' - THAT'S what will really take you from questionably crazy to queen of Crazyville. Someone once told me that you can’t do everything at once. If you truly want to be great at something… if you want to be a professional… to really succeed… you need to focus on that ONE thing that you want to do, and do it until no one can do it better. & I agree. I completely agree. That makes so much sense. Solid advice. There’s just one problem. What happens when you’re not sure what that ONE thing really is? OR What happens when life doesn’t give you the opportunity to pursue that one thing? OR What happens if you don’t just have a passion for ONE thing, you have a couple of things? Then what? Do you pick just one? OR - OR - OR What if, life is too short and you want to dabble in everything? Is there a right answer? Unless your focus is a profession like ‘a doctor’, which takes years on a relatively paved stairway, there’s a high chance that your road to success can lead you to an airport, where the only way out is to hop on a plane. You end up sky diving with a sketchy parachute, landing in a river raft down rough rapids, then eventually into calm waters – but it’s filled with piranhas so you paddle miles towards a beach that on arrival you realize is uninhabited– so you hike to the top of a nearby mountain, to realize that - Tell me that you get the point, because this story is getting a little out of control. For me, this has been one of my most recent dilemmas. Just to clarify: not the sky diving piranhas – the uncertainty of the road. While I strongly agree that focusing on one thing is the way to go, I must admit that I don’t quite know how. I have a habit of immersing myself in life, jumping at every opportunity that comes my way in the hopes that it leads to somewhere great. In the hopes that I’ll eventually make sense of it all… but there’s always that voice in the back of my head urging me to stick to one road and to stop frolicking in the overgrown bushes. Admittedly, sometimes when I find a mound to stand on and can see beyond the bushes, I spot my peers building houses on streets that I couldn’t myself find. I wonder what it’s like over there, and it takes me a moment to remember that admiring their path will not get me any further on mine. The thing is though; I think that this might be what our 20’s are all about. Learning to love your own journey. Knowing that you can stop here on the mound of dirt and watch those around you, or you can keep going until you find the valley of your dreams. Understanding that there will be many forks in the road, but whichever way you choose will be an adventure. I've recently started working a 9-5 job that is quite out of my intended scope of expertise. Honestly, the mere idea of a 9-5 job use to crush my soul a little. I would typically rather work 14 hour days on a film set than 9-5 in an office. Yet some how, the professionalism, knowledge and kindness of these folks drew me in, and I found myself in a situation I never imagined myself to be. It left me a little confused, questioning myself on if this is the right decision. "Should I take this left, or should I go right?" Other opportunities presented themselves to me that were more 'up my alley,' but my gut told me to stay put despite the jump across the field (See what I did there? Bush..field..field of work...Ah! Never mind.), AND despite the fact that this field of work never crossed my mind as being my "one thing". You know what though? I've always believed that it's important to trust your instincts and for whatever reason it may be, my instincts lead me here and asked me to stay. While I initially thought that I may be lost, I've come to realize that I choose this path. I'm not lost. I'm simply exploring. Regardless, it's okay to be lost in your 20’s - to sky dive into the unknown, get beaten up a bit in the rough waters, have a few piranha’s test your survival skills – we always knew that the road wasn’t going to be smooth sailing, right? Now if you know exactly what it is that you want to do – by all means – do it until you’re the best. But if you’re like me… a little all over the place… letting the current of life lead you into the unknown, hoping that you don’t drown but deep down knowing that you have the stamina to stay afloat – I hope to meet you along the way and swap stories of our bizarre experiences. Now I could be wrong. I certainly don't have it all figured out, but maybe, just maybe, we don't only need to do that "one thing" to find success. Maybe after falling out of the sky and getting beat up in the rough waters, we can arrive at the beach and construct an ore. Maybe after all of the twists and turns, we can use that ore and the priceless survival skills we developed, to guide the flow of the current, taking us to where we eventually know we would like to be. Maybe it’s okay to be a little lost every now and again. Maybe it's okay to explore the bushes for hidden treasures. Maybe it's okay to not have a 'one thing'. After all, how will we ever know what we’re missing until we experience it, don't you think? That one time I was casually lost in the jungle in the 1800's searching for my 'one thing'....
Aimlessly scrolling through Pintrest today these words struck me: There’s not much new to it. I’m sure you’ve heard it before. After all, it’ been repeated many times, in numerous different ways, over and over and over again. I don’t know what it was this time. Maybe the juvenile nature of the word ‘oops’ drew me in. But I saved it. As I hovered my index finger over the ‘save’ button, a rush of memories flooded my mind. Memories that once left me burying my face in my hands going: “WHYYYY DID I SAY THAT?” “WHYYYY DID I DO THAT?” “REALLY CARLY, REALLY?” Memories that once left me feeling embarrassed, silly, awkward, foolish, naïve – Memories that left me shrugging my shoulders saying just those words: OOPS. Memories that are now, well, just that....simply memories. I thought about it for a moment. While the 'OOPS' has left me with a rush of lessons learned, the 'what if's' would have left me with a gaping hole of wonder. In fact - The OOPS is what brought me here… The OOPS is what helps expand my knowledge of the world… The OOPS is what builds character… The OOPS is usually the beginning of the funny “remember when” tale… The OOPS is what writes this story… And if we're really being real- The OOPS is what made me realize that there is no room for judgment in this world, because we've all been there. I would have to say that this is one of the most important lessons that ‘oops’ has taught me: To be more understanding… we’re all really just one judgment call away from an ‘oops’ of our own, right? Regardless of the stress it may bring, in my books, the OOPS has forever trumped the WHAT IF’s. I don’t want to ever live my life wondering WHAT IF. WHAT IF I SAID WHAT I WANTED TO SAY? WHAT IF I DID WHAT I WANTED TO DO? WHAT IF … In all honesty, I would choose an embarrassing moment of ‘OOPS’ over a gureling what if any day. [[When I was 13, I had the biggest crush on a boy that I was too scared to actually talk to... that's enough what if's for me! haha]] I don’t know about you, but a life without 'OOPS' is no life at all. Just think about it for a moment. Next time you’re burying your face wondering WHY you did that silly thing you did... Just think, now…. You’re hopefully a little wiser, A little stronger, A little better, And if all else fails – you have a story to tell. Take the risk, and embrace the 'oops'. Life is too short for 'what if's' anyway! You can add this to the list of ten million ways the internet has now told you this. Hopefully like me, you'll find one that captures your attention and allows you to let go a little. Let go of the negativity of the 'oops' and find the good... find the lesson, move on - and JUST LIVE. O.O.P.S Our Obstacles Propel Strength Rich chocolate, hugging a layer of caramel (hard enough to hold it’s posture, but soft enough to smoothly sink your teeth into), sitting gently upon a third base layer of crunchy, sugar cookie - oh the dream that is my aunt’s famous ‘caramel squares’. What about my old roommates perfectly salted, fresh, stove-top-popped popcorn (which I later tweaked with melted sugar to make my own kettle corn)… OR FRIES! ANY FRIES! Sweet potato fries, wedges, fries with drizzled cheese and bacon on top, or even just normal fries… UGH AND PIZZA! Oh my gosh - don’t start me on pizza! Stuffed crust pizza… Hawaiian, stuffed crust pizza! Hawaiian, stuffed crust pizza with a side of cheesy bread sticks! Hawaiian, stuffed crust pizza with a side of cheesy breadsticks and an ‘Oreo madness’ from TGI FRIDAYs as desert.
HELPPPPPP!!!! Remember that last post I wrote about motivating yourself to be the ‘you’ that you always wanted to be?! TO JUST DO IT? Yeah….yeah… yeah… that’s all well and good when you’re just talking about it – but what about when your desire is to be healthier, and you step out from in front of your computer screen into the world, and the aroma of everything delicious hits your sense like a brick to the face?! YOU CAN’T IGNORE A BRICK THAT JUST HIT YOU IN THE FACE, CAN YOU?! ESPECIALLY WHEN THAT BRICK IS MADE OUT OF CHEESY STUFFED CRUST PIZZA!! Hi… MY name is Carly Coutts and I have a problem. I LOVE FOOD. Cue entire circle of addicts: "Hiiii Carlyyyyy” I love food, and I love being social, and I love margaritas and I often don’t know how to stay home when everyone is out (FOMO), or when it’s time to leave a party; AKA a recipe for disaster if you’re trying to lead a healthy lifestyle, or shed a couple pounds. So what to do? I’ve tried everything growing up – from exercising 6 days a week, to diet plans and fitness routines – nothing sticks for more than a couple weeks. So seriously what to do? According to “Blogger Carly” - “JUST DO IT”. But when there’s homemade fried chicken for lunch and I’m staring at a salad, I feel to punch ‘blogger Carly’ in the face…. Because shut up! You’ve clearly never had homemade fried chicken if you're asking me to resist! So here’s the new plan! I’m going to socially pressure myself into doing what I said I would. If I won’t do it for myself (because love me as I am or goodbye), maybe I’ll do it for you (because self displine is a trait I think everyone should have and I want to be one of those people)! One week at a time, for the next couple weeks, I’m going to blog my ups and downs of the ‘healthy’ process. Join me if you like - use it for motivation, read and laugh at my struggles, or simply just follow along out of curiosity… either way… IT’S ON! I’m Carly Coutts – and I’m going to try to overcome my obsession for all things delicious! CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW ALONG I'm scared. PS. Fit friends & Instgram gurus - knowledge, tips and motivation welcome! DISCLAIMER: This might not last longer than a day, but here goes... The New Year does not create a new you.
It's the same you that has been procrastinating for the last 365 days, but now with a splash of self proclaimed motivation. Yeah I said it. Who are you trying to fool anyway? Admittedly, I’ve fooled myself for most of my life, but let's end this here - enough is enough, don't you think? By next week (or month) the excitement of January first, two thousand and seventeen is going to run dry. Reality will hit like a sandstorm as you fall into your usual routines and with it - a trail of unfulfilled resolutions. Like a mirage, you will uncomfortably rub your sandy eyes to find that the year has passed by, and all of the greatness that was once in your reach has yet again disappeared from in front of you. Don't be the fool to believe that a change in the calender can change you. You are not a seasonal fruit - you are a walking, breathing, human being. We as people need to drench our lives with daily motivation to avoid the starvation of missed opportunities and buried dreams. You are the only one that can brave the thunderstorm necessary to nourish your life, and only you can save yourself from the insufferable drought brought on by days unfulfilled. Let's stop chasing mirages Let's stop avoiding the storm in fear of the thunder Let’s stop waiting for the right time Let’s stop waiting for something better to come along Let’s stop waiting for everything to be okay Let’s stop waiting for an opportunity Let’s stop waiting for inspiration Let’s stop waiting for acceptance Lets stop waiting for the New Year Let’s stop waiting for Monday Let’s stop waiting for tomorrow Let’s stop WAITING. Let's JUST DO IT. Are you ready to face the storm with me? This is 2 0 1 7. Who will you be? |
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